Jeremy Discusses GDP, Yoga, the Greek Referendum and Escalators

Apologies for the long absence…I have about half a dozen blog posts in various forms of readiness to publish but, for day-job related reasons and because I’m trying to write more of the actual novel, I’ve not managed to finish the posts off for a while. The following is recycled from a post I put up on our MA year group’s communal blog (it’s a closed group, I’m afraid) and it’s about how the all human life (almost) can be found in its not very flattering glory between 12 noon and 2pm on BBC Radio Two.

The Jeremy Vine show has been called Daily Mail radio and it’s quite formulaic but it’s often hilariously entertaining. Jeremy Vine himself seems to adopt this ‘reasonable man’ persona that makes most of the peculiar people and oddballs on his show think he’s being incredibly sympathetic when, in reality, I suspect he’s gently satirising them.

Whoever puts the show’s schedule together must have a surreal sense of humour. The following list (that I extracted and edited directly from the BBC website) features almost all of the topics discussed on recent shows (starting yesterday and going back a month or so).

It has some of the most bizarre combinations of subjects imaginable. Both the first and the last items on the list below are mind-boggling.

Unsurprisingly, having listened a lot to JV over the past three years, his hobby horses appear to be materialising in my writing — if you see which topics tend to recur in the list below then you might be able to get an idea of what are themes in my novel — except for wheelie bins which are a JV favourite but haven’t played a part in my writing — YET!

I was thinking of subtitling my novel ‘How Jeremy Vine Ruined My Life’.

  • Jeremy discusses GDP, yoga, the Greek referendum and escalators.
  • Jeremy discusses violent pornography, Jimmy Savile, diabetes and canoeists and anglers.
  • Vanessa Feltz discusses supermarket apprenticeships, rickets, St Paul’s and stone theft.
  • Vanessa Feltz discusses knife crime, Mandarin, teenage goths and getting online.
  • Vanessa Feltz discusses unfair dismissal, dentists, domestic violence and seagulls.
  • Vanessa Feltz discusses the EU, house husbands, St Paul’s and Japanese Knotweed.
  • Vanessa Feltz discusses the European referendum, jailed parents, Islam and wide cars.
  • Jeremy discusses Colonel Gaddafi, stamps, living alone and dogs worrying livestock.
  • Jeremy discusses Dale Farm, energy sources, foreign aid and offensive language.
  • Jeremy discusses Dale Farm, the Euro, housing problems and egg donation.
  • Jeremy discusses Hillsborough, GPs cutting patients, funeral etiquette and Gaza.
  • Jeremy discusses anti-capitalist protests, energy prices, smacking and IndyCar racing.
  • Jeremy discusses journalists, a restaurant in trouble, pornography and our allotment.
  • Jeremy discusses unemployment, Libya, care for the elderly in the NHS and being a mum.
  • Jeremy discusses the police, lottery winners, wheelie bins and a young entrepreneur.
  • Jeremy discusses quantitative easing, TV repeats, saving money & an unusual police chase.
  • Jeremy discusses Steve Jobs, hot curry, the Jarrow marchers and memorial benches.
  • Jeremy discusses credit card debt, crime in prisons, being mixed race and Theresa May.
  • Jeremy discusses the Knox verdict, drones, tube drivers and parking restrictions.
  • Jeremy discusses adoption, the Irish presidency, war graves and a tortoise sanctuary.
  • Jeremy discusses Ed Miliband, Rihanna, extra-marital affairs and the Greek bailout.
  • Jeremy discusses defence cuts, horse whipping, cancer drugs and a young Labour activist.
  • Jeremy discusses drink-driving, the economy, care for the elderly and lullabies.
  • Jeremy discusses the economy, a couple living in a shed, feminism and rag-and-bone men.
  • Jeremy discusses PFI, a London bus stabbing, genital mutilation and the Blue Peter Annual.
and I just found two classics from the last two shows:
  • Jeremy discusses the IMF, umbrellas, insurance and using hedges as toilets.
  • Jeremy discusses the Euro rescue package, arguing, secrets and kidneys.

For a longer list of topics going back to June then click here. Inspiration from Jeremy Vine

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7 Responses to Jeremy Discusses GDP, Yoga, the Greek Referendum and Escalators

  1. Female PTSD says:

    I’ve never listened to Jeremy Vine but after seeing those topics I might just have to give it a go!!!

  2. Mike says:

    With that weird mixture you’ll usually find something of interest.

    I used to go the gym at work and then out running on the roads with my headphones tuned in to Jezza.

  3. Guy says:

    I think that list (or part of it) could be a poem – like, a list poem in the genre of Raymond Carver’s ‘Fear’, or ‘Jubilato Agno’? It says everything about modern Britain! 🙂

  4. Michael Clarke says:

    It does say everything about modern Britain. I’m sure if you went back 5 years and extracted the list from the website (I think the archives goes back that long) then you could probably use one of these textual analysis tools that academics use on Shakespeare and possibly pick up the sort of social and cultural changes that don’t come up on most measures — like why wheelie bins seem to be a topic so close to the heart of middle England.

    I’m sort of hoping that by being inculcated in the whole Jeremy Vine oeuvre my novel will tap into a cultural Zeitgeist that will make it sell billions — though it wouldn’t be reviewed very well.

  5. Moira G says:

    Could be used as prompts for writing …

  6. Mike says:

    That’s exactly what I thought. Some of my novel is a bit like that — some odd subjects coming in from left-field. Jeremy Vine did dwarf throwing a week or two ago — not sure I can work that one in.

  7. Pingback: My Brilliant Stand-Up Career | MacNovel

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